A third grade question about voting

How my third grade class (including my teacher and including me) disdained loyalty and integrity

When I was in third grade we were doing a “unit” on democracy, but I doubt they used that word. There was a newsprint workbook with line-drawn pictures, and this was the question I remember.

Who would you vote for for class president?
(a) Your best friend
(b) A boy who promises to [I don’t remember this one]
(c) A boy who promises to plan a lot of class parties
(d) A boy who promises to do his best

(Evidently in the 1970s only boys ran for class president, although maybe “your best friend” was a girl.)

Most of us had figured out to do school, and it was obvious we were supposed to choose (d) – A boy who promises to do his best.  Roger and Kevin, however answered (a) – Your best friend. The teacher, Miss Joffee, “discussed” the answer with them, with that mega-patronizing tone of voice she used when she didn’t want to just tell you you were wrong, but wanted to Persuade you.  “But Roger, what if your best friend isn’t the most qualified?” And then Suzanne with the bangs asked, “But Roger, what if your best friend doesn’t do his best?” The pile-up continued with some of the girls copying the teacher’s intonation perfectly.

Me? I was in third grade. I put the two boys in the “dumb” category and was done thinking about it. The right answer was clearly (d) – how could they be so stupid?  I didn’t have the sophistication to distinguish between “the right answer in truth” and “the thing you are supposed to say.” But either way – I knew to say “(d).”

This is a bit away from my main point, but we can’t move on without taking a second to think about the effect on Roger and Kevin. They didn’t come into third grade thinking that they were “dumb.” They probably weren’t – I don’t know about Kevin, he never said much. And he looked mean. But Roger, with buck teeth like a bunny rabbit and wild hair, conversed with me about TV shows and abstract things and all sorts of topics.  He wasn’t dumb – he was honest. And gave an opinion different than the “right” one. But I concluded he was dumb because of that. And so did the girls who were questioning him. And I’m sure by the end of third grade he thought he was dumb, too. Let’s take a moment to be sad about that.

I want to talk about the actual right answer to the question. You know what? If your best friend is running for class president, what kind of monster would you be not to vote for them? “Oh! But Roger, what if someone else is more qualified?” Roger should have said, “It’s third grade class president, not a seat on the Supreme Court, Mrs. Joffee! What’s wrong with you?” Your best friend is running for third grade class president? You vote for your best friend.  Because they are your best friend. And Roger and Kevin were loyal enough to vote that way, and honest enough to admit it.

And let’s talk about (c) – A boy who promises to plan a lot of class parties. You know something about that boy? He’s the only one who has put thought into his position. He has a platform. He has a reason for running. Our pals (b) – The one I can’t remember and (d) – A boy who promises to do his best have both promised something. But only one person has done something – candidate (c). He’s at least taken the effort to think about the position.  And what is he promising to do? To put in work for the benefit of the class! Is it an empty promise because he can‘t make the parties happen? Maybe he can’t. But maybe he can. Maybe he can.

If you are such a low disloyal scum that you would vote against your best friend because you were more worried about qualifications in a third grade election, then I’d argue the most qualified candidate is the boy who has taken a stand that actually represents the students’ interests.  “I’m going to do my best” is a boy focused on himself. “I’m going to put in the work to get something good to happen for my class, even if it means taking on the Administration” is a boy focused on his constituents.

Do we have to talk about (d) – A boy who promises to do his best? A boy who hasn’t put in the time to think about any of the issues confronting his fellow third graders? A boy who’s shown you no evidence of anything but his fundamental laziness? You know, I’ve never followed a success by saying, “I did my best.”  That’s what I say after I’ve failed at something. Seriously, don’t vote for that kid. Not only isn’t he your best friend, he isn’t your friend at all.  He’s the kid who told on you after you sharpened your pencil to a super sharp point and stabbed your best friend because you didn’t know it would hurt that much and your best friend cried but forgave you because unlike you he understands loyalty and then that kid (d) told on everyone and now Miss Joffee has put you on opposite corners of the room. Is that who you want representing you?

Vote for your best friend. They would vote for you.